am i so insecure that i cant let someone, anyone, love me without questioning it? finding some reason to question it? can i not trust it? am i so afraid to trust it?
what do i expect? i dont even know. i feel like i have old, childhood-grown expectations. what do i need? and when someone else is in need, is suffering, how much and how long to i put aside my needs?
am i codependent? maybe i am. maybe i follow after my mom in that way, among others. i spent 18 years around her almost 24/7. maybe that was one of the worst things i picked up. if i am, how do i change that?
i dont know whats wrong with me. but something is.
What is wrong with you? You're human. No, not wrong, just is what you are like the rest of us crazy people. Oh and you are a girl and we are all insecure in some way or another. How do you change it? By Asking God's help, following and growing in Him, and learning to trust. It is a long Journey, beautiful Aubree, and you will doubt yourself more often than not but it is a journey that draws you closer to the Lord if you allow it. You already know this, I know but don't beat yourself up for the doubts and fears, instead look how far God has brought you. Then look ahead at what He is or might be doing in your life.
ReplyDeleteI speak knowing I have many fears and doubts similar to yours. I am taking the journey and failing mostly but I keep getting up because I know I have a savior who loves me completely and more than anything or anyone in life. I encourage you to never stay down, Aubree, get up, dust yourself off, and keep going. People will love you, they may stop one day, if they do then they were just a short beautiful flower you stopped to experience on your journey. Remember you have those who may not always be close but will always love you and be there for you. I Love you Aubree and I am praying for you.